How to Start a Band.

I'm pretty sure a majority of us have at one point in our lives decided we would create or become something that would cause a stir in humanity to change life as we know it {maybe on a slightly less grandiose scale, but a degree of celebrity status to follow ;) }.

These were possibly just childhood dreams-- to become the president, a fashion designer, a brain surgeon, a writer. But maybe those dreams still stick with us and on occasion spring up once again and incite a romantic hope within us.

Or maybe it's just me :)

I've recently been hearing of several friends trying to start bands, which is awesome!

It seems to be a trademark of musical (well..sometimes not) teens and twenty-somethings alike. After a month or so, the passion eventually fizzles out. Why?


I've been thinking a lot about vision and passion and what causes some businesses, people, or bands to be successful.


I think before a name is in place, before that decided style is set, a passion--a love--must be there.

1. Real Passion: Love WHAT you are doing and WHY you are doing it.
       Is it to make money? That won't work.
       Is it to gain popularity? You'll lose that at the drop of a hat.
       Is it to simply showcase your talent? That "love" will stop when someone else supersedes you.
     
What are you really passionate about? Are you absolutely delighted in baking and decorating cakes? Does each song you write echo the parts of your heart that can't be spoken? It's not something that can be forced. We all have passions, sometimes they just need to be discovered and cultivated. We may not (read: will not) be professionals off the bat. There will be tedious moments of sweat and maybe tears. But, a passion will endure those trials.

I love musicians that genuinely feel and love their music and others' music. They don't bash other artists or styles of music. Also, don't we love to visit those places that are absolutely in love with what they do? They make you feel like you can join their passion. Those who truly love what they do will love newbies--because the pros want to incite that same passion into their lives.

2.  A Greater Drive: There must be something greater driving you. You must have something to offer that "cannot" be found somewhere else, or approach that passion from a more unique and personalized way.
       
 What is it about American Idol that we love? We enjoy seeing people who come from places like. People who are real but in love with what they do. Why do we go to coffee shops, particularly, Starbucks? Is it REALLY for the coffee? Often times the coffee comes with it..but it's more the experience. We enjoy the community and atmosphere and the special things that make Starbucks, Starbucks. Consider Apple. Apple's stores are much different that Best Buy or other such stores. Again, you walk in feeling a part of a community. You love a product, but not just the product. You love the service and atmosphere offered there.

I absolutely cannot stand walking into a store where the customer service is cold and barely notices my presence. There can be overkill in this area, but a warm and sincere welcome makes me think much higher of an establishment and the product.

Often, the more welcoming people have something greater driving them. There's a vision beyond the product and/or fame.

3. Name Yourself :)

Now you can name yourself and figure out who will be the cool lead singer and who will be the spokesperson and what you want your emblem to be.

That is, if you still want to start a band. Or perhaps you've recognized another passion in your life or you are still trying to figure out what that is.


Right now I'm texting one of my friends. I'm personally trying to figure out what direction I ought to set sail. He told me a personal story that reflected that we often learn the most on the ride, the destination may not be as important as we think. The most important part of life or "finding your passion" is to simply take steps. Don't live in fear of ending up at a dreadful job. Trust God and take steps!

On Repeat: Lord of Glory....For Today: Talmidim

I had the pleasure of sweating today and taking a shower...yep ;) I completed a 4 day allergy test and wasn't allowed to wash my back or do anything to get too sweaty for 3 days. I'm thankful to not have to wash my hair in a sink anymore...

I was ecstatic to get back in the gym. I normally listen to contemplative music that supports my spinning thoughts. But, I was too pumped--had my workout all lined up {some killer weighted HIITs!!} and my excitement and energy had me put on For Today, a Christian metal band.

As I was nearing the end the song Talmidim began playing. Honestly, by the time I'm 10 or 15 minutes into a workout the music is just background noise and blocks out the um... less than edifying music playing throughout the gym.

But Talmidim really caught my attention.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBxztg685HY

When the verses Ezekiel 36:26-28 began to be read I was overcome with prayer in my heart. I decided to restart the song and was almost brought to tears. "LORD of Glory, make us worthy to possess your name..." Those are some of my favorite verses and I'm actually reading through Ezekiel right now! I read Ezekiel 11:19 just two days ago. "And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh, that they may walk in my statutes and keep my rules and obey them. And they shall be my people, and I will be their God." I put the song on repeat for the rest of the night :)

This has been my heart's prayer the past couple days. I've had a renewed hunger for the Word of God after getting some things in my life right.  The hard thing about the Christian life is that I can see where I want to be--I know many people I want to emulate-- the trouble is taking the small steps that add up to get there. 

Here are the written lyrics. 

                                              "Talmidim (The Servants)"

Lord of glory, make us worthy to possess your name. Lord of glory, make us worthy to possess your name.
And give us a new name. And call us your people, God. And give us a new name.

[Ezekiel 36:26-28] – “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you;
I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.
You will live in the land I gave to your forefathers; you will be my people and I will be your God.”

Lord of glory, make us worthy to possess your name.
Lord of glory, make us worthy to possess your name.
And give us a new name. And call us your people, God. And give us a new name.

[Message:]
And through all of this, there is nothing, absolutely nothing, no fear, no
insecurity, no doubt, no hesitation that will ever, ever stop us. Because we
are the sons of the living God, because we are the children of the Almighty,
because we are the residents of the kingdom of heaven, and we are soldiers in
an army of the immortal. And when we speak life, life happens, and when we
speak healing, healing happens, and when we speak truth, truth happens. And
when we go take what we found to a dead world, we'll see it come to life again,
and when we take what we found to a hopeless world, we'll see hope come back.
We'll see the heart of our world start beating again, and we'll see the color
come back into people's faces. Absolutely nothing will ever stop that.
Mountains will move before us, and oceans will part before us, and the dead
will raise before us. And the world will know that our God is the God that
heals, and our God is a God that lives, and our God is a God that loves, and
like anything that anyone has ever felt before, because we are fearless, and
because we are His hands, and because we are His feet. Forever, and ever.

Lord of glory, make us worthy to possess your name. 

Restoration is here.

Foodies and Workouts

The other night I made some quinoa, grilled chicken, grilled cauliflower, broccoli and bell peppers. Then mashed up an avocado with some onion and garlic seasoning and mixed it altogether. 

Verdict: it was ok. Could have used some more flavor, maybe more of a pesto sauce on too :) or a creamier avocado sauce. 

Tonight I used my leftovers from Applebee's (macaroni & cheese with honey pepper chicken...so bad but oh so good!) I put in more chicken, broccoli, and cauliflower all in the skillet and added the Mac and cheese and added some Italian seasoning and pepper.

Verdict: super good! Wasn't super cheesy but had a strong flavor still. Gave me an idea... Quinoa and cheese with chicken and veggies? I'll have to give it a shot.

Workout: after a week off from the gym, I decided to get back hard. Last week I did 3 days upper body (a lot on shoulders) and 2 days lower body.

Here's my plan: 

one. plyometrics/HIIT lower body day (10squats, 45 seconds jump squats)

two. run 2 miles, heavy shoulders, biceps, and abs

three. heavy legs and some back 

four. run two-ish miles, light shoulders, triceps, heavier back and abs

five. free pick :) 

Ah, a kitchen.

A college girl's dream: a kitchen.

I'll be learning my way to relatively clean, simple, fast cooking for one. And cheap. Let's not forget cheap.

Mornings: smoothies in my new magic bullet :) I'll have to get creative with those! But, a simple strawberry, spinach, protein powder, and frozen banana smoothie should do for a few days :) I'll be testing out some other recipes--one including mango and cayenne pepper! I'm excited for that one!

Lunch: Salad or sandwich at Cathacart. (Unless perhaps there is something desirable on the hot line.)
and apple sauce--with lots of cinnamon. I don't know why I love applesauce so much, but I do.

Snack: apple, banana, protein bar, or almonds...

Dinners... (I only really need 2 or three! plus maybe a small post-workout snack)
       omelette with peppers, avocado, and a wee bit of cheese :)
       salad with chicken, feta, raspberry vinaigrette dressing and maybe chop up some apple on it.

I bought some oatmeal, pumpkin, and sunflower seeds to have on hand. First of all I love oatmeal. Second of all I love pumpkin seeds in oatmeal. Third of all, sunflower seeds are pretty cool in salad.

Time to build my kitchen repertoire. I bought a few seasonings too :) I already had cinnamon because....I love cinnamon. But I also got Italian seasoning and cayenne pepper! Figure I'll buy one or two every once in a while. Kind of expensive stuff in such a tiny jar, but I suppose it lasts a really long time too :) And a small bottle of olive oil...

$40. I'd like to get that number down once I get the basics stocked. Since I'm not having to eat at home a bunch (still have the normal meal plan) I don't need to buy too much stuff. So if I just work on getting some basics and buy a few seasonings here and there so I can actually do something other than a smoothie ;) But hey, it's good good. I just put some chia seeds in it too ;)

A New Chapter

This weekend, I'm moving into a new home! No more college dorm. Hopefully will solve whatever was causing me to look like an alien in the morning ;) God worked things out so smoothly and has provided in such a great way!

With that, I'm sad to leave my roommate and unit. As well as campus life and the conveniency of living on campus. Also, some new responsibilities will come in--cooking for one! Have to say, I'm pretty excited about that one. My goal will be to have basics on hand that I can food prep once a week to make meals easy. Want to keep my eating simple and clean--oh and cheap! Other areas of organizing my life--gym time, study time, boyfriend and friends, etc. Should be fun :)

I believe it will also be a time for me to grow spiritually in a different. I will be removed from all my friends and that will remove (well, alter) my temptation to constantly be on the go. I really have to guard against getting too busy in my life. I can be such a Martha--constantly doing something, saying something, worrying about something. But, I desperately have to remind myself to slow down and breathe. 

I'm really having to force myself to remember God's goodness, faithfulness, promises, and sovereignty. 

I often say, I take at least an hour to actually settle down to do homework or spend time with God. 

Sad, I know. 

I took this week off from the gym because I haven't been feeling too strong and thought it would be wise to give it all a rest. Sure, my body feels okay with the break. But, my heart and soul are so refreshed. I often have to keep it all in perspective as sometimes I allow the gym or my body to become idols to me or to measure my worth. Balance is so important!!

Well, now hopefully I'll be able to get some sleep :)

Here's to a new chapter!

Christ is enough.

Passionless Pursuits

Right now, I'm in my junior year studying psychology. Today I wanted to give up. I wanted to quit and go somewhere that I felt I would matter, my niche. 

After finally getting my new military ID, eating some chipotle, and crying and not being very nice to my incredibly patient boyfriend, (maybe the ANOVA calculations got to me, or maybe it was just my weekly breakdown) it was time for my experimental psychology class. 2:15-4:30, twice a week, in a cold room, with a very peppy and intense professor. 

After a 35 minute lecture on page 1 of chapter 3 we had a 5 minute break before a special speaker was to come. Of that five minutes I texted my dad and was questioning my major, my direction in life, and all my frustrations regarding such decisions. 

Once my five minutes was up, I entered the frigid room sat down and God renewed my spirit.

The woman explained her dissertation and it inspired me. Finally! Something that mattered! 

In the tedious monotony, vision fails. My zeal and passion waned. On top of that, my purpose, my "niche," is still yet to be determined. I don't know where God will take me; I'm still discovering my passions and what roles they will play. 

However, God is sovereign and knows the end. He will lead me and I must follow in faith.

Also, I have a mission now. My mission is to do my work joyfully. I am to serve others now. I am to love and seek Christ and give praise. 

Right now matters. 

Today should not be a passionless pursuit, but a stepping stone-- a day filled will thanks, service, growth, joy, and excellence. 

This Week's Goals

I love setting goals and writing lists--having a goal prevents me from coasting and living by my emotions {which change a little too often for my taste!}

There's an overarching themes I need this week: 

LIVE WITH ETERNITY STAMPED ON MY EYES. 

I want to remember that I am not living for the here and now.  I am living in perseverance for my Savior-- to know Him more and to make Him known.  {Please, Father, help me remember this!!}

1. I will spend uninterrupted {no phone, no computer!!} time with my Lord each day. 

2. I will make an effort to facilitate spiritually encouraging conversations around me. 

3. I will seek to give excellence in all I do {schoolwork, strings, choir, relationships, etc.}

4. I will take care of my body through eating healthfully and working hard! 

Now for more time restrained goals...

1. Prayerfully consider opportunity and make decision regarding personal trainer certification

2. Brainstorm and begin looking at sources for Personality Theory Research Paper

3. Find sources for Neurophysiology Project

4. Go bowling with my unit :) 

5. Practice violin and piano twice this week

6. Sketch something

7. Get to bed earlier than I am right now.....

Have a good Monday! :)

Our Savior lives!! 

Leaving Woodside 5 and Seeking a King Worth Serving.

Well, a few days ago, my summer of camp came to a close. It was a summer of fun, trials, silliness, and frustration. 

The weather was beautiful this summer, and at times I had to just take a step back and take it all in again. I hate to miss the beauty of such place and only be focused on the duties. It was a gorgeous setting. I loved driving on weekends for the weekly chick-fil-a and Target stop. We would listen to Taylor Swift, talk about life, campers, and just enjoy being alive by remembering the blessings of such a summer.

I don't think I could ask for better staff. The staff couples had their homes open just about any time for us and had their homes stocked with plenty of keurig k-cups :) We were well taken care of and had a great support system through the weeks of campers and a place to go that didn't make you feel like you were still on the campgrounds on the weekends. College life has never made me so grateful for a home! 

Sunday mornings we met with our small groups--we were divided into four groups-- one for each camp family to take in. We would enjoy breakfast and work through the book of Philippians via a Matt Chandler series. I learned so much about the Christian life through that time and still need to finish watching a few of the weeks!! 

Mondays were probably the hardest for me. Taking on 8 more campers to get to know and work with always came to me as a daunting task. There was always constant change and personalities I had to learn and make feel at home. As the week progressed I would love it more. I would grow to really care about the girls as individuals and desire to see growth. 

Sometimes it hurt to let them go back and I wished I had longer with them. I grieved and wished I could fix their circumstances and give them assurance that it will all be better soon. There were moments when I wrestled with God about His goodness and sovereignty and how those can work together. I begged the question of how I could promise that all things work together for good for those who love God. I wondered, how could one trust God when it appears that all is against them? Why should they turn to Him when I really cannot promise relief from their current and very real problems?

During these moments, so many people spoke truth into my life, reminding me that God IS for them. God is good. God is faithful.

I was reminded of the those who rejected Christ because He was not as they pictured. The Jewish people were looking for relief from the Roman Empire--they sought an earthly king to change the now.

 But that's not what Christ came to do. 

Christ came to save from the power of sin and death. In fact, He promises trials in this life. But, He promises a better hope. He promises to give us freedom from living in bondage to ourselves and this world. 

I can't save the human race from injustice single handedly. But I can offer the hope that Christ gives beyond this world. I can offer the joyful hope of knowing Him in this life. 

So, what are we looking for now? Is it an easy life, throwing it to the world and its temporary yet back-biting pleasures? Or, are we looking to the eternal King who has dominion over all and and is faithful to His promises?

God is good and He is for us-- He won't forsake us. He promises to work all things for good for those who love Him.

Two Weeks of Kiddos Done & God's Grace.

Whew. 
My first junior and teen week for camp complete!

I've been at Highpoint for over a month and it has been such a learning experience. I've had the opportunity to clean lots of urinals, go tubing, sing songs about a moose who likes to drink juice, and encourage kids and teens to know Christ and give it all to Him. I want to thank all of you who have been praying for me. Prayers are definitely felt and needed.

I've realized how mentally, physically, and emotionally weak I am and how self-centered I am; how easily I would like to give up and throw my hands in the air. I've seen how judgmental I am and how I have a love-hate relationship with comparing myself to others.

God's teaching me so much about His grace this summer. I've often struggled with the idea of how God's grace works. I've struggled with questions like, "Does God only give me grace when I'm "doing" the Christian life well?" "Does God remove His grace and blessing from me when I mess up?" "Does God punish me to make up for where I disobeyed Him?" I guess it's kind of what the church of Galatia dealt with-- how do I perfect myself in sanctification to deserve God's grace??

Last weekend I picked up a book off a coffee table called The Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges. It has helped propel my understanding a little more about God's grace in my life. Somewhere, I came to believe that I could earn God's grace after salvation--like I could perform in a way that would make Him love me more. If I don't perform well, then I have to work my way back to make Him happy with me again.

Oh so wrong. Brutally wrong.

"Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace." -Jerry Bridges

My "good" days are never good enough. They are filled with sinful motives and imperfections. My "bad" days expose that I am still a sinner and that it is not my righteousness that saves me, but Christ's. I am only holy and blameless because of HIM. God's grace perpetuates us through the entire Christian life. His love constrains and motivates us to continue on pursuing Him--not to lead a life of virtue for the sake of boasting and self-righteousness; we are motivated by love to continue pursuing Him because of the sake of knowing Him.

I didn't deserve God's grace at the moment of salvation and there is not a day that I do deserve His grace.  His grace is always sufficient and will get me through each day. It is infinite. Somehow, His infinite love and grace never give up on me and will somehow be shown in me in spite of myself. 

By God's grace, I will continue to press towards the mark. I have not yet arrived and will not until my Savior calls me home. I don't know everything that God has for me in this life, but by His grace, and only by His grace, I will know Him and be found in Him.

Quit Being a Baby.

Early last Wednesday was a really dark day for me. I don't know why. There wasn't a huge trial in my way or anything crazy going on in my life. It seemed to just be a culmination of the past couple weeks' spiritual struggles. My desire for God's Word was slowly waning my prayer life was dry. Yesterday it just seemed to be amplified. The temptation to quit and give up was pretty overwhelming I wanted to want open my Bible because I knew I needed to... but then I didn't want to all at once.

I talked to my boyfriend some--he tried to point me to Christ and encourage me. But I just didn't really feel like it. I was stubborn and fine with it. I was sitting at The Coffee Shop in Gilbert {love, love, love that place} and another friend text me as well {cool how God works and always cares!} She was feeling a similar way. We questioned why it was so difficult and encouraged each other a little bit. But still, I was stubborn.

A couple hours later, I decided to go to the gym. When my emotions are high and my thoughts are clouded that is one of the best things for me to do! It helps me refocus and sort through my thoughts. So, I got in the car and listened to some uplifting music...started feeling a little bit better and more hopeful.

I realized... I'm going to go minister at a camp next week for the rest of summer.

DUH! Of course Satan is going to work hard against me. I was letting him win!

The battle seemed real again and Bible verses, messages, and quotes from influential people in my life began to flood into my mind.

Whenever God is working, Satan will push back. After all, why would Satan discourage what is already his?

As I was in the gym I looked at myself in the giant mirrored wall and said to myself, "Lydia. You willingly put yourself through physical pain here. You put yourself through physical sweat and soreness because you know it is good--quit being such a baby! Get over how you feel at the moment and press forward!"

We are in a war and there won't be true rest until we go home. Fight hard, it will be worth it. 

The Christian life is unnatural.  But God is gives the desire and ability.

Spending quality time with God and growing to love His Word takes discipline. But God will reward.

Learning the discipline of prayer requires focus and sacrifice. But God hears and will answer.

Battling sin isn't fun. But God is faithful.

If you're struggling today, or maybe have been for awhile, don't forget what you know about God. You're in a battle. Show Satan what's up--our God is greater and by His strength we will overcome.


Check this out:
Don't Give Up! {John Piper}

And a song! :)

 

Emotions in an Ocean

Dark, rolling, and mysterious. Bigger and greater. Stronger and all enveloping. It sprays me like a whisper--speaking words of solitude and quiet significance. It rushes to meet me, eager and consuming, only to retreat to withhold its
secrets from my skin in hesitancy. I ache for the courage, the passion, to dive to the depths-- to feel the heaviness of the silent secrets upon my aching chest. There's something unsettling--I find it difficult to be. It only exposes my restlessness, my desire for reckless abandonment of all normalcy.

Die Already.

It creeps up all too often.

That awful, deceptive feeling that we all try to push down deep inside {or at least I imagine it to be something we all deal with..}

The echoing words, "You aren't good enough."

"You aren't as talented."

"Lydia, you aren't even interesting."

"You're being annoying."

I could probably go on and on with the things that I've heard myself say. It's not something I enjoy admitting. I wish I had it all together and just oozed confidence.

But, come on, let's be honest.

Being a psych major, I've learned a few things about Carl Rogers, self-actualization, self-esteem, etc. According to him, we all need to love ourselves more. It makes sense.

But, I think he's wrong. Actually I know he is.

I love myself WAY too much. You see, when I think I need more love or praise I grow dissatisfied with myself and others even more. I become focused on perfecting how I look and act--and comparing myself to others. I begin living for the empty, fleeting praise of this world.

I don't want to be superficially charming and beautiful. I want to be beautiful in God's eyes because that kind of beauty doesn't fade. That's the kind of beauty people of this world can't quite put their finger on. 

{That beauty--that charm-- comes from dying.}

And I wish I would just die already! {my self focus, my pride, my desire for praise}

I asked my Savior how I could achieve His praise and delight--to be beautiful in His eyes.
{God always brings His Words at the right time. I am so thankful for His Word!}

But, anyway, this is what He reminded me with:

"Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.” (Mark 8:34)

Deny myself. Take up the instrument of death. Follow Him. 

Okay, that middle one doesn't sound too pleasant, does it? But, we are called to kill our fleshly desires. Kill our selfishness. Kill MY pride.

He must increase; I must decrease. THIS is the key to overcoming insecurities. 

I don't want to be someone who's beauty is only in how well she puts on her makeup that morning. I want to be a girl that has a beauty you can't quite put your finger on...unless you know my Savior too :) 
  

HE>me. For me to live is Christ. By HIS grace. 

Moms, You Are Priceless.

Happy Mother's Day!! :) I know it's the tail end of it.. but hey, maybe it should become Mother's Week?

I have had the pleasure of growing up with not only my mom {which is already a blessing} but also my grandma. :) She moved in with us when I was about 6 months old.  So, I had double the influence {and a built in babysitter!} I've learned so much from these two great women and have innumerable memories.

I especially remember Saturday afternoons when I was still too little to be on the swim team with my brothers. My parents helped officiate swim meets on many a Saturday, so my grandma and I would hang out. We would watch way too much Disney channel and I would make a mess creating some sort of art work or playing with my dolls. There were also the times she was teaching me to sew and we made little stuffed bunny characters for a book report on a book I believe is entitled, On the Town with Grandma and Lucy. There was also one afternoon when I told her I was getting tired of her and was ready for my parents to come back. I was just a charming little one, huh? ;)

Grandma & Me :)

Being the only daughter, my mom and I had to stick together. I always got plenty of one on one time with my mom. From yelling out my bedroom, "Mommy, come tuck me in!" and her coming in to pray with me to the many MANY trips to piano and violin lessons to {in dad's opinion probably too many} shopping trips to the mall. We have always had some of the greatest talks and have been able to share burdens with one another. She taught me to drive too....I remember my first left turn... :) We just about died laughing.

Momma makin' enchiladas :)

There's a multitude of principles I've learned {and probably more that I haven't even realized} 
 But here are three :)

1. Don't take yourself too seriously.  Laugh! I'm so glad that my home could be characterized by laughter. Even in the midst of a disagreement or while I was crying about something, someone would see humor in the situation. I'm convinced that laughing is one of the best ways to bring people together.
2. Love God & His Word. My mom and grandma both are studiers of the Word and delight in hearing His Words taught and preached. I know they pray and strive to live out what they believe. 
3. Be a servant. My grandma actually sometimes frustrates us because she lives this out SO fully! She will offer you all the food on her plate if you are hungry-- we just tell her that if we want something we will check the fridge. But, the principle. She is so willing to sacrifice. She helps in any way she can. My mom sacrifices her time in many ways. One huge way is to see her take care of her mother now.

These aren't things that my mom or grandma ever really directly said, but they lived them out for me to see. And that is priceless.

"Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all." Proverbs 31:29

Today :)

Get Out of the Way

It's evident you run the show, so let me back down
You take the leading role, and I'll play the background
I know I miss my cues, know I forget my lines
I'm sticking to your script, and I'm reading all your signs
I don't need my name in lights, I don't need a starring role
Why gain the whole wide world, If I'm just going lose my soul
And my ways ain't pure if I don't live according to Your Word
I can't endure this life without Your wisdom being heard
So word, to every dancer for a pop star
'Cause we all play the background, but mine's a rockstar
Yeah, so if you need me I'll be stage right
Praying the whole world will start embracing stage fright
So let me fall back, stop giving my suggestions
'Cause when I follow my obsessions, I end up confessing
That I'm not that impressive, matter of fact
I'm who I are, a trail of stardust leading to the superstar


I could play the background
I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead


I had a dream that I was captain of my soul
I was master of my fate, lost control, and then I sank
So I don't want to take the lead, 'cause I'm prone to make mistakes
All these folks who follow me, gon' end up in the wrong place
So let me just shadow you, let me trace your lines
Matter of fact, just take my pen, here, you create my rhymes
'Cause if I do this by myself, I'm scared that I'll succeed
And no longer trust in you, 'cause I only trust in me
And see, that's how you end up headed to destruction
Paving a road to nowhere, pour your life out for nothing
You pulled my card, I'm bluffing, You know what's in my hand
Me, I just roll and trust you, You cause the dice to land
I'm in control of nothing, follow you at any cost
Some call it sovereign will, all I know is you the boss
Man, I'm so at ease, I'm so content
I'll play the background, like it's an instrument

I know I'm safest when I'm in Your will, and trust Your Word
I know I'm dangerous when I trust myself, my vision blurred
And I ain't got no time to play life's foolish games
Got plenty aims, but do they really Glorify Your name
And it's a shame, the way I want to do these things for You, yeah
Don't even cling to you, take time to sit and glean from You
It seems You were patient in my ignorance
If ignorance is bliss, it's 'cause she never heard of this


I could play the background
I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead

--Background by Lecrae 


Lord, help me to just get out of Your way. You look for a heart that is open, dependent, and submissive to You. Help me to be like that.

Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. (Philippians 2:12-13, ESV)

Summer & What's Going On :)

The past week has been absolutely...tumultuous. I was dealing with finals of my sophomore year, trying to pack up for summer--going home for a couple weeks then going to counsel at Highpoint, my dad came to help me drive up to Highpoint, my dad met my boyfriend, Dave, as well as his mom, I had to say goodbye to friends who were graduating, and I was utterly burnt out. I already tend to be emotional--these circumstances only encourage that side of me! :P

I've been sitting in a car the past two days {and currently the Philly airport} which usually provokes the deep and philosophical questions within me ;) and well...the worrier part of me. But, I've been considering this summer and all the possibilities and responsibilities that God has put in line.

For one, I'm going home for three weeks! :) I'm excited to be able to settle down and relax for a little while and to sleep in, hit the gym, cook a little, spend time with my family, take naps with my puppies and feed my cat.. {because you know, that's all cats need you for ;) } But anyway, I'm wanting to spend some serious time in the Word and focusing on knowing my God.

Thennn...I'm coming back to PA, where I will be a camp counselor at High Point Camp for the summer. Oh boy. I'm SO excited. I've wanted to be a camp counselor for some time. I have had some of the sweetest, spiritually strengthening moments in my life at camp. I believe God will use this opportunity to teach me to trust Him and rely on Him more. Pray that I will be broken and able to be used by Him and that the campers will be eternally affected!

Other things on my mind :)
I've been thinking a lot about leadership. Next year, I am going to be able to be a Discipleship Leader again to about eight girls I will live with at school. I'll also be working at revamping my Greek at school. I'm ecstatic for these opportunities! So, I'm trying to get a head start on all of it and get some ideas going. But, I know it will keep me busy on top of school work, friends, sleep, etc.. I'm hoping to keep up on here a little bit more too :) Keep events of life and what God is teaching me a little more up to date.

I know God is going to stretch me and teach me more about Himself, serving, leading, and life this summer and i know that He is in control of it all. This season of life is filled with possibilities and uncertainties and it can be easy to worry whether He truly is in control or not. But, He is.

"You keep Him in perfect peace whose MIND IS FIXED ON YOU, because he trusts You."
Isaiah 26:3

Catch ya later :)

Thinking on Purpose

The battle always begins in the mind. What you dwell on will change you.

Isaiah 26:3
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is fixed on You, because he trusts You.

If we want stability in our lives, we must be purposeful with our thoughts.

You decide what you think. 

Every decision about your thinking has a consequence.
Make it a good one :)  and make it match what you are becoming.

Who are You Becoming? Part 1

"So here we are, back to the basics..."

That's the opening line of my prayer journal today. My prayers in my {innumerable yet all unfinished} journals are all quite candid-- more so than when I just pray silently and way way more than when I pray aloud.

God has been working on my stubborn heart through so many ways.  But, I suppose that's not anything too new. Today I finally came to grips with the fact that I need to go back to the very basics by asking myself a question. 

What do I want to do in life?

No. The REAL question is:

"God, What is It that Breaks Your Heart?

Today, while in chapel, we sang a song with the line, "Break my heart for what breaks Yours." I used to think I really knew what broke my God's heart.

You know, sin of course. God hates sin.

While this is true... I have to wonder if the act of sin is what really breaks His heart.

I don't really think so.

Brutality & Hypocrisy

Wow, this morning I was hit pretty hard with a few lessons on love. God has such a great way of humbling me!

I attended a ladies Bible study that a lady at my church leads and the book the group has been going through was entitled, Lord, Change My Attitude. Today's topic was on "Replacing a Critical Attitude with Love." The opening passage was 1 Corinthians 13, which we've all heard so often. Sure, I thought I would pick up some good reminders.

But, let me tell you.

There was way more than just some good reminders! And I'm praising Him right now for that!

{The Way of Love}
    If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
    Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
    Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
    So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
{1 Corinthians 13 ESV}

The gist of the message was-- We are to be FULL of BOTH Grace & Truth--just like Christ! :)
{John 1:14} 

Truth without love is brutality. {harsh, bitter, aggressive}

Love without truth is hypocrisy. {harmful, leads to destruction}


You see, without LOVE I am absolutely nothing. That's what God says! I do absolutely no good. Even if I give an eloquent, powerful, doctrinally accurate speech, I will reach no one without love. Christ didn't begin His ministry by simply calling out sin in people's lives...no, He began by reaching out and displaying love. He reached out to me. He made a way so that I could know His love.

But, without TRUTH I will do no good. If I truly love someone, I will want the very best for them. That means--I want the unsaved to find Christ and I want my brothers and sisters to pursue Christ! I will be FOR them, and love them even if it stings for a moment {Proverbs 27:6}.

We need to be wise in approaching people with love and truth. We must choose whether an issue is major or minor. {Is it a critical path or just a personal preference? Is it chronic or very rare? Is it someone who is close to me or am I assuming?}

After answering these questions we must be sure to put the individual's needs above our own.

Because, that's what Christ did. He didn't spend His time in constant criticism...He spoke when it was necessary and loved without reserve.

I remember this quote I saw... {I think on Pinterest (; }

"Preach the Gospel at all times, when necessary use words."

*Points taken from James MacDonald*

Getting Life Together: Perfectionism

Goals: Dreams with Deadlines.

I absolutely adore making plans, lists, goals, resolutions, whatever.  The New Year is always an inspiring time for me.  I reflect on the previous year--what went right and what went wrong.  I consider areas for improvement and begin furiously writing down hundreds of items that I wish to master during the present year.

Okay, not hundreds...but quite a lot.

I contrive this grand idea of who I'm going to become and how I can muster up the strength and dedication to become that someone... this is also known as perfectionism! God has been teaching me about the flawed mindset behind my perfectionism.

Do you ever find yourself trying to stop the world while you try to get your ducks in a row?

I do! Constantly.

I feel as though I can't do anything of worth until I am satisfied with myself and have my life all figured out. *sigh* ...and that is SUCH a lie that Satan uses to cripple us!

Why? Because a perfect life is IMPOSSIBLE.

That impossibility is why we have the Gospel.  Jesus Christ came to make us at peace with God.  You and I can be used by Christ--even in our imperfection and chaotic lives--because Christ lives in us and is changing us.

And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ(!) {Philippians 1:6}

He who calls you is faithful; He(!) will surely do it. {1 Thessalonians 5:24}

Aren't those incredible verses? When we feel like we aren't yet worthy of a task or blessing...we are exactly where we should be.  We have recognized our sinful and finite existence.

But, God.

But God makes the broken to be whole; He makes the ugly to be beautiful.  He makes the weak to be mighty and the unlikely to be exalted. He makes the old into something new!

So yes, my ducks {and may I assume your ducks?} aren't in a row quite yet... but as I live each day He gives me the strength, grace, and wisdom to follow Him and to slowly see Him put each piece of the puzzle in place.

So what is my theme for 2013? To live primarily focused on the current day--to live each day to the greatest capacity God has for me through His strength!

But as I said, I do love me a list!!
Here's the traditional list ;)

1. Begin a Blog {woohoo!!!}
2. Sleep more! {bed by 11:30}
3. Workout 5 days a week.
4. Work systematically through books of the Bible.
5. Pray each time I enter & leave my unit & as I walk alone between classes.
6. Keep coffee minimal!!!!! {only if absolutely needed ; ) 
7. Minimize sweets {2 a week} focus on fruits & veggies more.
8. Eat out only once a week. Aaaaaaand.. Starbucks once a week.
9. FOLLOW THY BUDGET.
10. Play violin & piano every week. Sketch & write something everyday.

Alrighty :) Fun and hopefully manageable! Once again...day by day.

What's your theme for the year? Any resolutions? :)

Becoming a Beauty Seeker

Beauty Seeker.
Since beginning Christmas break, I've been spending an enormous amount of time lounging around and thinking.  This is not terribly unusual for me.  However, the type of pondering has been refreshing.  Quite often I worry--worry that I will miss God's will, that I will fail, that I will waste my time--all sorts of binding worries.  But lately, it's been a little different.

My thoughts of lately have been focused on beauty.  Not my beauty routine of the morning! :) Instead,my focus has been on the beautiful moments and simplicity in the world and my life.

Beauty.  It's found in unexpected places, people, and moments.

Beauty is found everywhere.

The other day I saw The Hobbit.  I haven't read the book yet--I have an awful habit of liking to know what happens first ;) But I was dumbfounded that God had given man the ability to imagine, write, and create.  Isn't it a beautiful thing that we can be transported to another world and enraptured by some one's writings?

Late I attended The Piano Guys Concert. I was enthralled by the musical ability and creativity.  The way one can interpret music and reach a crowd's heart is a gift unlike any other.  Music has the breathtaking capability of making one's heart soar.

How do we see beauty? Perhaps by looking at the world as a child, being curious.  Going to the restaurants and shops that are tucked away.  Taking the scenic route home.  Breathing in fresh air with your eyes closed.  Lying on your back gazing at starts.  Listening intently with an open heart to someone's story.  Rolling the window down and listening to an atypical style of music.

My goal is to no longer let the little things pass by, but to seek the beauty all around me.  To live a passionate life, pursuing to make life more beautiful and enjoy it in light of my amazing God.

So, let's be beauty seekers, yes? :)