Quit Being a Baby.

Early last Wednesday was a really dark day for me. I don't know why. There wasn't a huge trial in my way or anything crazy going on in my life. It seemed to just be a culmination of the past couple weeks' spiritual struggles. My desire for God's Word was slowly waning my prayer life was dry. Yesterday it just seemed to be amplified. The temptation to quit and give up was pretty overwhelming I wanted to want open my Bible because I knew I needed to... but then I didn't want to all at once.

I talked to my boyfriend some--he tried to point me to Christ and encourage me. But I just didn't really feel like it. I was stubborn and fine with it. I was sitting at The Coffee Shop in Gilbert {love, love, love that place} and another friend text me as well {cool how God works and always cares!} She was feeling a similar way. We questioned why it was so difficult and encouraged each other a little bit. But still, I was stubborn.

A couple hours later, I decided to go to the gym. When my emotions are high and my thoughts are clouded that is one of the best things for me to do! It helps me refocus and sort through my thoughts. So, I got in the car and listened to some uplifting music...started feeling a little bit better and more hopeful.

I realized... I'm going to go minister at a camp next week for the rest of summer.

DUH! Of course Satan is going to work hard against me. I was letting him win!

The battle seemed real again and Bible verses, messages, and quotes from influential people in my life began to flood into my mind.

Whenever God is working, Satan will push back. After all, why would Satan discourage what is already his?

As I was in the gym I looked at myself in the giant mirrored wall and said to myself, "Lydia. You willingly put yourself through physical pain here. You put yourself through physical sweat and soreness because you know it is good--quit being such a baby! Get over how you feel at the moment and press forward!"

We are in a war and there won't be true rest until we go home. Fight hard, it will be worth it. 

The Christian life is unnatural.  But God is gives the desire and ability.

Spending quality time with God and growing to love His Word takes discipline. But God will reward.

Learning the discipline of prayer requires focus and sacrifice. But God hears and will answer.

Battling sin isn't fun. But God is faithful.

If you're struggling today, or maybe have been for awhile, don't forget what you know about God. You're in a battle. Show Satan what's up--our God is greater and by His strength we will overcome.


Check this out:
Don't Give Up! {John Piper}

And a song! :)

 

Emotions in an Ocean

Dark, rolling, and mysterious. Bigger and greater. Stronger and all enveloping. It sprays me like a whisper--speaking words of solitude and quiet significance. It rushes to meet me, eager and consuming, only to retreat to withhold its
secrets from my skin in hesitancy. I ache for the courage, the passion, to dive to the depths-- to feel the heaviness of the silent secrets upon my aching chest. There's something unsettling--I find it difficult to be. It only exposes my restlessness, my desire for reckless abandonment of all normalcy.

Die Already.

It creeps up all too often.

That awful, deceptive feeling that we all try to push down deep inside {or at least I imagine it to be something we all deal with..}

The echoing words, "You aren't good enough."

"You aren't as talented."

"Lydia, you aren't even interesting."

"You're being annoying."

I could probably go on and on with the things that I've heard myself say. It's not something I enjoy admitting. I wish I had it all together and just oozed confidence.

But, come on, let's be honest.

Being a psych major, I've learned a few things about Carl Rogers, self-actualization, self-esteem, etc. According to him, we all need to love ourselves more. It makes sense.

But, I think he's wrong. Actually I know he is.

I love myself WAY too much. You see, when I think I need more love or praise I grow dissatisfied with myself and others even more. I become focused on perfecting how I look and act--and comparing myself to others. I begin living for the empty, fleeting praise of this world.

I don't want to be superficially charming and beautiful. I want to be beautiful in God's eyes because that kind of beauty doesn't fade. That's the kind of beauty people of this world can't quite put their finger on. 

{That beauty--that charm-- comes from dying.}

And I wish I would just die already! {my self focus, my pride, my desire for praise}

I asked my Savior how I could achieve His praise and delight--to be beautiful in His eyes.
{God always brings His Words at the right time. I am so thankful for His Word!}

But, anyway, this is what He reminded me with:

"Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.” (Mark 8:34)

Deny myself. Take up the instrument of death. Follow Him. 

Okay, that middle one doesn't sound too pleasant, does it? But, we are called to kill our fleshly desires. Kill our selfishness. Kill MY pride.

He must increase; I must decrease. THIS is the key to overcoming insecurities. 

I don't want to be someone who's beauty is only in how well she puts on her makeup that morning. I want to be a girl that has a beauty you can't quite put your finger on...unless you know my Savior too :) 
  

HE>me. For me to live is Christ. By HIS grace. 

Moms, You Are Priceless.

Happy Mother's Day!! :) I know it's the tail end of it.. but hey, maybe it should become Mother's Week?

I have had the pleasure of growing up with not only my mom {which is already a blessing} but also my grandma. :) She moved in with us when I was about 6 months old.  So, I had double the influence {and a built in babysitter!} I've learned so much from these two great women and have innumerable memories.

I especially remember Saturday afternoons when I was still too little to be on the swim team with my brothers. My parents helped officiate swim meets on many a Saturday, so my grandma and I would hang out. We would watch way too much Disney channel and I would make a mess creating some sort of art work or playing with my dolls. There were also the times she was teaching me to sew and we made little stuffed bunny characters for a book report on a book I believe is entitled, On the Town with Grandma and Lucy. There was also one afternoon when I told her I was getting tired of her and was ready for my parents to come back. I was just a charming little one, huh? ;)

Grandma & Me :)

Being the only daughter, my mom and I had to stick together. I always got plenty of one on one time with my mom. From yelling out my bedroom, "Mommy, come tuck me in!" and her coming in to pray with me to the many MANY trips to piano and violin lessons to {in dad's opinion probably too many} shopping trips to the mall. We have always had some of the greatest talks and have been able to share burdens with one another. She taught me to drive too....I remember my first left turn... :) We just about died laughing.

Momma makin' enchiladas :)

There's a multitude of principles I've learned {and probably more that I haven't even realized} 
 But here are three :)

1. Don't take yourself too seriously.  Laugh! I'm so glad that my home could be characterized by laughter. Even in the midst of a disagreement or while I was crying about something, someone would see humor in the situation. I'm convinced that laughing is one of the best ways to bring people together.
2. Love God & His Word. My mom and grandma both are studiers of the Word and delight in hearing His Words taught and preached. I know they pray and strive to live out what they believe. 
3. Be a servant. My grandma actually sometimes frustrates us because she lives this out SO fully! She will offer you all the food on her plate if you are hungry-- we just tell her that if we want something we will check the fridge. But, the principle. She is so willing to sacrifice. She helps in any way she can. My mom sacrifices her time in many ways. One huge way is to see her take care of her mother now.

These aren't things that my mom or grandma ever really directly said, but they lived them out for me to see. And that is priceless.

"Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all." Proverbs 31:29

Today :)

Get Out of the Way

It's evident you run the show, so let me back down
You take the leading role, and I'll play the background
I know I miss my cues, know I forget my lines
I'm sticking to your script, and I'm reading all your signs
I don't need my name in lights, I don't need a starring role
Why gain the whole wide world, If I'm just going lose my soul
And my ways ain't pure if I don't live according to Your Word
I can't endure this life without Your wisdom being heard
So word, to every dancer for a pop star
'Cause we all play the background, but mine's a rockstar
Yeah, so if you need me I'll be stage right
Praying the whole world will start embracing stage fright
So let me fall back, stop giving my suggestions
'Cause when I follow my obsessions, I end up confessing
That I'm not that impressive, matter of fact
I'm who I are, a trail of stardust leading to the superstar


I could play the background
I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead


I had a dream that I was captain of my soul
I was master of my fate, lost control, and then I sank
So I don't want to take the lead, 'cause I'm prone to make mistakes
All these folks who follow me, gon' end up in the wrong place
So let me just shadow you, let me trace your lines
Matter of fact, just take my pen, here, you create my rhymes
'Cause if I do this by myself, I'm scared that I'll succeed
And no longer trust in you, 'cause I only trust in me
And see, that's how you end up headed to destruction
Paving a road to nowhere, pour your life out for nothing
You pulled my card, I'm bluffing, You know what's in my hand
Me, I just roll and trust you, You cause the dice to land
I'm in control of nothing, follow you at any cost
Some call it sovereign will, all I know is you the boss
Man, I'm so at ease, I'm so content
I'll play the background, like it's an instrument

I know I'm safest when I'm in Your will, and trust Your Word
I know I'm dangerous when I trust myself, my vision blurred
And I ain't got no time to play life's foolish games
Got plenty aims, but do they really Glorify Your name
And it's a shame, the way I want to do these things for You, yeah
Don't even cling to you, take time to sit and glean from You
It seems You were patient in my ignorance
If ignorance is bliss, it's 'cause she never heard of this


I could play the background
I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead

--Background by Lecrae 


Lord, help me to just get out of Your way. You look for a heart that is open, dependent, and submissive to You. Help me to be like that.

Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. (Philippians 2:12-13, ESV)

Summer & What's Going On :)

The past week has been absolutely...tumultuous. I was dealing with finals of my sophomore year, trying to pack up for summer--going home for a couple weeks then going to counsel at Highpoint, my dad came to help me drive up to Highpoint, my dad met my boyfriend, Dave, as well as his mom, I had to say goodbye to friends who were graduating, and I was utterly burnt out. I already tend to be emotional--these circumstances only encourage that side of me! :P

I've been sitting in a car the past two days {and currently the Philly airport} which usually provokes the deep and philosophical questions within me ;) and well...the worrier part of me. But, I've been considering this summer and all the possibilities and responsibilities that God has put in line.

For one, I'm going home for three weeks! :) I'm excited to be able to settle down and relax for a little while and to sleep in, hit the gym, cook a little, spend time with my family, take naps with my puppies and feed my cat.. {because you know, that's all cats need you for ;) } But anyway, I'm wanting to spend some serious time in the Word and focusing on knowing my God.

Thennn...I'm coming back to PA, where I will be a camp counselor at High Point Camp for the summer. Oh boy. I'm SO excited. I've wanted to be a camp counselor for some time. I have had some of the sweetest, spiritually strengthening moments in my life at camp. I believe God will use this opportunity to teach me to trust Him and rely on Him more. Pray that I will be broken and able to be used by Him and that the campers will be eternally affected!

Other things on my mind :)
I've been thinking a lot about leadership. Next year, I am going to be able to be a Discipleship Leader again to about eight girls I will live with at school. I'll also be working at revamping my Greek at school. I'm ecstatic for these opportunities! So, I'm trying to get a head start on all of it and get some ideas going. But, I know it will keep me busy on top of school work, friends, sleep, etc.. I'm hoping to keep up on here a little bit more too :) Keep events of life and what God is teaching me a little more up to date.

I know God is going to stretch me and teach me more about Himself, serving, leading, and life this summer and i know that He is in control of it all. This season of life is filled with possibilities and uncertainties and it can be easy to worry whether He truly is in control or not. But, He is.

"You keep Him in perfect peace whose MIND IS FIXED ON YOU, because he trusts You."
Isaiah 26:3

Catch ya later :)