It's the end of the day. It's been a good one. A Monday that began earlier than many Mondays. I set an alarm to rouse me to seek God. Normally, I would press snooze reckoning I can read a few verses in the evening or before a class. But, I would find myself restless and joyless. I would feel this aching gnaw in my heart-- "Lydia, please don't fit me in. Please, make me center."
And so, I am seeking to do just that. Striving to crave my Savior's words and face more than sleep or workouts. I am creating an image of the woman I hope to be to my children-- a mother who is gentle, hard working, and a mother who evidently presses into her Savior each morning, seeking His beauty throughout the day. I have this struggle. The "grind." The "no days off" struggle. The constant giving, pushing, and living by pulling myself up from my own bootstraps leaves me depressed-- because it's just ME. It's just finite, simple, little Lydia.
Lydia, whose emotions are at times unbearable. Lydia, the one who discouragement preys upon. I cannot live the constant no rest life. I need slow moments, to see my Savior.
I hate admitting my weakness. I hate being seen as "little". But, when I am weak He can be magnified.
Today, I read Psalm 9.
Verse 10 was my focal point for the day-- my treasure I carried with me.
"Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O LORD do not abandon those who search for you."
Is comfort and rejuvenation not embedded in that verse? He does not abandon those who search for Him. He is a shelter for the oppressed, He is just, He is fair, and He is our refuge.
Today, in the moments of my loneliness and uncertainty-- I could find rest because I chose to look to Him. Constant process. Constant battle. BUT the reward is sure. He will not abandon me.
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