Psalm 119: Aleph

The past few days I have been considering what God has been teaching me through my time in college. The other day I was listening to a sermon by John Piper and thinking, wow, God sure has been teaching me the complexities of Salvation and grace, and so much more. I had a much more childlike faith in high school--but also I believe my relationship with God was much deeper and more intimate then. Last night I cried over that. I have been trying to remember what I did that made me closer to God at that point. I would read my Bible randomly throughout the day. My time on the internet was spent much on articles and blogs that revolved around Christ and knowing Him more. I would read them and would soon be compelled to go to my room and pray or ready my Bible. I would love sitting in chapel or any opportunity to grow. I would be so locked in on the speaker that I could almost repeat back what he said. Singing in the car and in the hall was normal. My relationship with God wasn't a chore, it was a natural spring of what I put in my mind and with what I surrounded myself. I want joy again. I want that relationship with my God again.

Yesterday I began reading Psalm 119 again.

Joyful are people of integrity, who follow the instructions of the Lord
Joyful are those who obey his laws and search for them with all their hearts.
They do not compromise with evil, and they walk only in his paths.
You have charge us to keep your commandments carefully.
Oh, that my actions would consistently reflect your decrees!
Then I will not be ashamed when I compare my life with your commands.
As I learn your righteous regulations, I will thank you by living as I should!
I will obey your decrees,
Please don't give up on me!

Where does joy come from?
           Integrity
           Following the Lord's instructions
           Obeying God's Laws
           SEARCHING FOR THE LORD WITH ALL THEIR HEARTS
           Not compromising evil at all (no, "just a little")
           Walking ONLY in his paths
           Reflecting God's law consistently
         
Lord, don't give up on me! Help me to follow you. Help me to search for you and to purge out my life of things that aren't of you. Lord, break down my idols. Keep my eyes and heart fixed on you. Change me. I can't do this on my own. Please start your work in me and sustain the change. You promise to help me in weakness. Teach me that You are all I need and You alone can satisfy.