Psalm 119: Aleph

The past few days I have been considering what God has been teaching me through my time in college. The other day I was listening to a sermon by John Piper and thinking, wow, God sure has been teaching me the complexities of Salvation and grace, and so much more. I had a much more childlike faith in high school--but also I believe my relationship with God was much deeper and more intimate then. Last night I cried over that. I have been trying to remember what I did that made me closer to God at that point. I would read my Bible randomly throughout the day. My time on the internet was spent much on articles and blogs that revolved around Christ and knowing Him more. I would read them and would soon be compelled to go to my room and pray or ready my Bible. I would love sitting in chapel or any opportunity to grow. I would be so locked in on the speaker that I could almost repeat back what he said. Singing in the car and in the hall was normal. My relationship with God wasn't a chore, it was a natural spring of what I put in my mind and with what I surrounded myself. I want joy again. I want that relationship with my God again.

Yesterday I began reading Psalm 119 again.

Joyful are people of integrity, who follow the instructions of the Lord
Joyful are those who obey his laws and search for them with all their hearts.
They do not compromise with evil, and they walk only in his paths.
You have charge us to keep your commandments carefully.
Oh, that my actions would consistently reflect your decrees!
Then I will not be ashamed when I compare my life with your commands.
As I learn your righteous regulations, I will thank you by living as I should!
I will obey your decrees,
Please don't give up on me!

Where does joy come from?
           Integrity
           Following the Lord's instructions
           Obeying God's Laws
           SEARCHING FOR THE LORD WITH ALL THEIR HEARTS
           Not compromising evil at all (no, "just a little")
           Walking ONLY in his paths
           Reflecting God's law consistently
         
Lord, don't give up on me! Help me to follow you. Help me to search for you and to purge out my life of things that aren't of you. Lord, break down my idols. Keep my eyes and heart fixed on you. Change me. I can't do this on my own. Please start your work in me and sustain the change. You promise to help me in weakness. Teach me that You are all I need and You alone can satisfy.

A Season of Preparation.

I'M ENGAGED!

It happened last week. On a dreary Wednesday, the first day of classes for the spring semester.

The feeling wasn't at all like what you see in the movies. When he asked me, I just felt normal. I felt peaceful. It was a "duh" decision.

Surreal? Oh yes.

Now comes all the wedding planning for the day that I will become his wife. The day that we will make a covenant before our God. The day that David and I will begin displaying the Gospel together.
We want our wedding to be centered on Christ and what He has done for us. I pray that it will bring God glory.

But most of all, I want to spend this year not sending out beautifully scripted invitations and setting a registry, but becoming a woman.

I want to be a woman that blesses her husband. One that graciously submits, prays, encourages, trusts, and most of all is satisfied with Christ.

Right now my fiancé, wedding plans, a career, money, so easily become my gods. (I'm currently trying to figure out if I SHOULD be figuring out anything right now... those wedding timeline things...!) But, with that said, they can't satisfy me.

I must realize now that my husband will never fully satisfy my soul. Neither will a picture perfect wedding, a successful career, or a life where all my needs and many wants are met.


Lydia, remember Hollywood. Even with their infinite amount of wealth, popularity, fame, and perfect bodies so many of those marriages split.

Lydia, remember that marriage is not about you. It is about Christ. Marriage is about serving and respecting your husband. Yes, marriage will be fun!!!!! But there will be days when it feels more like work or days when you wonder where all the time has gone and what has happened to my face.

Right now is a season of preparation.
Prepare more for the life than the day.
Prepare your soul and spirit for oneness with another sinner.

Help me, Lord.

Picking Words for 2014

Happy New Year!!!!!!!! Day one is almost complete :) When I was younger I would spend much of the night laboring over my resolutions list. I would have resolutions for my spiritual life, health, friends, mind, money, music....I had a lot.  But this year I came across an idea of choosing a few words, instead of having twelve uber specific (sub-points and all) resolutions that I could barely remember.

Think of these words as almost your "mantra" as some people would say. But a few single words that encompasses a larger thought. 

For example, here are my three words: 

Fit. Relationship. Courage.

I said fit-- not workout 6 days a week or cut out all chocolate from my diet because eventually I KNOW I would fail this. Instead, I'm choosing a word fit. It will help me with each decision--do I choose to work out today? Is that best for my body, mind, and spirit? Or should I rest? Also, fit goes beyond the body! Think about spiritual, emotional, mental, and even financial fitness!

Relationship. Not pray 30 minutes a day or read a chapter a day. Not call a different person everyday or go out of my way to talk to someone different at every lunch. But instead to think--will this be beneficial to my relationship with God, my family and close friends, or making new friends/networking? With this word in mind I'll be able to come into lunch and think--how should I build relationships right now? Or, how can I know God more today?

Courage. I wouldn't consider myself an incredibly shy person, but in a crowd I don't know very well I easily get overwhelmed and it can take me awhile to open up. Often times it's because I'm too nervous about what the other person is thinking. I want courage to go talk to that person that I haven't met yet. Or go try that new thing that I could completely embarrass myself on attempting. When fear comes into my mind, I'll remember the word courage. Courage to stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves, courage to do right, to try new things, and to put others before myself and risking my pride.

What will your words be?