Will I Be Able to Suffer?

52 days!!!!

Today I came across two very timely blogs/articles.

As you probably pretty well know I am going to be entering into a lifelong covenant, before God, with my best friend (hence the 52 days).

I kind of freaked out typing that, not going to lie. Don't get me wrong. I'm so excited!! I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. So again, let me explain the freak out. There are a billion threads tying into this post, so bear with me.

Unfortunately I am a rather emotional person but I also tend to be very analytical, and as it has recently been said, I dissect things until they are dead-- three times over. (On my personality test my Think and Feel points were only 1 point apart! It's a war inside my head quite often, my friends.)

So let me tell you my emotions and analysis.
I really love stability and I fear change. There are so many changes going on in life right now-- friends going there separate ways, my nephew growing older, graduating college and considering the next steps-- I fear losing what I love--people I love. I tend to say "yes" to everything because I don't want to miss anything. I wish I could be everywhere, I wish I could remove all pain, and I suppose C.S. Lewis quite about love would fit in quite well right here:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

Decline and death became more real to me this summer watching my grandma. Simply by getting older, you come to realize your mortality. And so there is the phrase that I will be saying,

"'til death do us part."

And I wonder what that will really mean. Today, after reading an article a friend had sent me about being able to suffer well-- the opposite of Job's wife. Enduring and being able to laugh all at once. Then, I came across an article about Alex & Brett Harris-- a few years older than me and the founders of the "Rebelution" whom I followed and read in high school. (Do Hard Things is a GREAT book for teens and, really anyone by the way!)  Both are now married, but one's wife became very ill after marriage and he now bathes her, carries her, and takes care of her. I also am reminded of a couple who was married even though they knew she would not live an average length of life. 

And so today, as I thoughtfully and intently looked at the man I'm going to be marrying in about 50 days I wondered-- what will have changed in 20 years? What hardships will we have faced? What about in 40 years? What will he look like? Will his hairline recede? Will he develop deep wrinkles in his forehead that reveal his age? What will I look like? When will my hair turn gray? What hard things will we have fought and held onto each other through?

And that, considering all the possibilities, the statistics, the what ifs, the fear of being uncomfortable and enduring pain, they could leave me paralyzed and unable to love freely. They could leave me running away or hovering-- grasping onto every last ounce of security I can possibly control.

Oh, and here is more about love. Since I finished my Radical Womanhood book by Carolyn McCulley I decided to pull out Tortured for Christ. The true love of Christ brought tremendous hardship, separated families, and lives ended-- men and women who joyfully endured and praised God as they met Him face to face. Greater love hath no man than this.

And so, here I am tying all these threads together-- knowing that I am called to love through the hardships. Love hopes and endures, after all. I am called to pour my life out, ultimately all for the glory of God but the method could be any. 

Love is sacrifice. Love NOW. Serve NOW.  Cherish all moments. Do not fear hardships-- they are not random or unnoticed. They are appointed. As children of the King we are never forsaken. This is not all there is--Heaven is coming. Laugh even in the hard times. Praise Him. Know that He is our strength, He is sovereign, He is our delight.

One last thing-- I cannot do this. We cannot do this. It must be Christ in us. As one of my psych professors says, we must be in a dependent and abiding relationship with Christ. Our hearts must be yielded to Him. It must be of Christ, for Christ, and through Christ. Pray for us, pray for your marriage or wherever God has you right now. Pray that love would abound and that Christ would increase. 

Being Engaged Really Stinks

I've been engaged for about 10 months now. 2 more to go. I wish I got married like...10 months ago ;)

And, it really stinks! But, I'm also really thankful for this stinky time.

Yes, it has also been beautiful-- the thrilling moments of putting my engagement ring on every morning and during the first month having a nightmare every night that I lost it and waking up to check that I still have it. (True story). There's also the moment of trying on bridal gowns for the first time, planning the wedding together, finding the venue and imagining the ceremony there, the bridal shower, looking for a house together to make a home, imagining being able to just "do life" together.

But, what stinks is that in my mind I'm basically married. It's a done deal already-- but we are not yet one and are unable to enjoy the benefits of being married.

No, I still go to my home every night and wake up by myself every morning just wishing that he was there. It still requires gas money to go see him, I can't have a hug whenever I want, and I can't fully relax and drift to sleep beside him.

But. I also know even after we are married I will still never be fulfilled by my husband. There will be parts of my heart that he is unable--and not even supposed to fulfill.

And so this season of more intense preparation, prepares me to learn to be satisfied with Christ. If I think my life is to be consumed with my fiancé or husband I am disillusioned and will be terribly unhappy. Of course, I am created for my husband as his helper. But he is not my god nor is he the true lover of my soul. In fact, I have an inkling that marriage will make us long for Christ and closeness with Him even more--and I pray, that David will drive me to Christ more and that I will do the same for him. I pray that our satisfaction in Christ, our intimate relationship with Him, will make marriage oh so sweet--a taste of Heaven and a foreshadowing of what is to come.

But-- to be satisfied in Christ-- what is it? Sometimes we hear broad stroked terms and phrases and it can be difficult to assess. So let's get a bit more specific.

Psalm 9: 1&2 (NLT) "I will praise you, LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done. I will be filled with joy because of you. I will sing praises to your name, O Most High."

Psalm 16 (all of it--but let's look at 5, 8, 11)
"LORD, You alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing. You guard all that is mine...I know the LORD is always with me, I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me... You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever."

Do I have joy--right now? Or is it--I would have joy if...?

I follow several "motivational" instagrams--but often the worldview is tainted. I can see that in just the simple phrase they post and I must guard my heart and mind even in this.

Today I saw this: "You are a product of your environment so only surround yourself with positive people."

Is there some truth to this statement? Yes. However, more so to the unbeliever than the believer. What we surround ourselves with DOES indeed affect us-- but our environment is NOT our determining factor. If that were so-- why could Paul be happy during his persecution? Our circumstances are not greater than our God or our relationship with Him. A terrible job, a nagging coworker, a rude family member, a failing economy, an unfulfilled dream-- all of these things do not define our joy. David declared that he had joy because of God's presence. Man. The nuisances of life will completely fade when I understand just who my God is and what He has done and is doing.

So, as I look forward to being able to marry my best friend in NINE WEEKS, I must remember what I am first created for--to know my Savior and to be known. It is God's grace that He has given me such a great friend that I will be able to live life. So yes, being engaged is really difficult--but I'm praying that the difficulty will result in a deeper, unshakable joy because of my God.

Dailies: Preaching to Self

It's the end of the day. It's been a good one. A Monday that began earlier than many Mondays. I set an alarm to rouse me to seek God. Normally, I would press snooze reckoning I can read a few verses in the evening or before a class. But, I would find myself restless and joyless. I would feel this aching gnaw in my heart-- "Lydia, please don't fit me in. Please, make me center."
And so, I am seeking to do just that. Striving to crave my Savior's words and face more than sleep or workouts. I am creating an image of the woman I hope to be to my children-- a mother who is gentle, hard working, and a mother who evidently presses into her Savior each morning, seeking His beauty throughout the day. I have this struggle. The "grind." The "no days off" struggle. The constant giving, pushing, and living by pulling myself up from my own bootstraps leaves me depressed-- because it's just ME. It's just finite, simple, little Lydia.

Lydia, whose emotions are at times unbearable. Lydia, the one who discouragement preys upon. I cannot live the constant no rest life. I need slow moments, to see my Savior.

I hate admitting my weakness. I hate being seen as "little". But, when I am weak He can be magnified.

Today, I read Psalm 9.
Verse 10 was my focal point for the day-- my treasure I carried with me.
"Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O LORD do not abandon those who search for you."

Is comfort and rejuvenation not embedded in that verse? He does not abandon those who search for Him. He is a shelter for the oppressed, He is just, He is fair, and He is our refuge.

Today, in the moments of my loneliness and uncertainty-- I could find rest because I chose to look to Him. Constant process. Constant battle. BUT the reward is sure. He will not abandon me.

Blogging Doesn't Really Work

With my internship over the summer, I spent a great deal of time looking at political minded blogs. Especially from the opposing side. Much was loaded with clever word play and degradation. Last night, I shared a blog on my Facebook page that addressed the kinky novel, 50 Shades of Grey. I enjoyed the post because it not only aligned with my views, but again, it was witty and made me feel good about my views and "being right".

My brother commented-- much of our blogging attempts to share the truth and our perceptions are really just attempts at entertaining the side that already agrees with us. 

I had been considering this idea for a few weeks, the impact of the mass production of sharing truth via Facebook or the impact of sharing truth personally with a human being.

My brother's comment confirmed the idea to me-- most blogging doesn't really work. Rarely will the people we are trying to reach read the post we have aimed toward them. Secondly, when our audience is faceless our compassion and sensitivity will most likely decline. Perhaps not always, but one must be cautious. It's a lot like online bullying--we can't see the victim's eyes and expression. When we blog about controversial issues, we may know the truth but truth without love will do nothing.

So, as you blog or read blogs, perhaps consider the compassion being shown in the writing. How is the truth being presented? 

Secondly, don't just share it. Live it and give it. 

Live what you say you believe. But, also communicate truth personally with others.  God is a personal God. He knows each of us by name, He knows our troubles, He knows our desires. He also shows us who He is-- His character, His workings, His plans.

He did not just scatter His Word around the world-- He came and lived among us. He gave a face to behold and walked with individuals.


Christ changes individuals through personally knowing them.

So, yes, blogging is a great tool. Does it change minds? Probably. There have been subjects I have been iffy on and I may come across a blog with great reasoning and it may clear it up for me. But, the greatest of greatest tools of helping others is by far personal interaction and relationship building.

 

So... I'm Going to Planned Parenthood

Yep.

Today I'll be going to Planned Parenthood.

Surprised? Don't be. It has to happen.

Today I'm going to stand up and fight for the rights of women.

A girl and her mother went into Planned Parenthood, the Tempe Planned Parenthood, right by the light rail and one of my favorite restaurants, Pita Jungle. Earlier, a young man, Tyler Kost had committed a despicable crime against the young girl-- rape. Her mother walked with her into the rather hidden corner clinic in order to have an abortion.

But can you guess what the Planned Parenthood counselor told the mother and her daughter?

The "counselor" told the mother and the young girl, the victim of rape, not to report the young man that violated her. Her reasoning? It would be "too much of a hassle." Tyler Kost (the rapist) went on to assault several other girls before finally being brought to the authorities. You can see his charges in the link below... but he has 27 charges against him. At least 27 times, he was able to scar girls.

Wait, wait, wait... not only is that a felony on Planned Parenthood for NOT reporting but-- aren't they the ones who are supposed to be focused on women's health and equality?  Is this not terribly troubling?

Why, why on earth would anybody ever allow a rape to seem like a normal part of life? Why would another woman tell a young girl that it's not a big deal--and allow the perpetrator to continue on in his ways?

She might say, "It's just this one time, just this one girl." Well, that lines up with Planned Parenthood's philosophy I suppose, individuals do not have inherent worth, someone else must decide another's worth. Not only is there everything wrong with that but also-- what makes us believe this felony was only committed once?

The protection and safety of all women is the reason I am going to Planned Parenthood. There will be a press conference with Center for Arizona Policy,  Alliance Defending Freedom, Susan B. Anthony List, and several other organizations who are fighting for the rights of those who cannot speak for themselves.  Sign the petition & come stand with us.

As I've said in a previous post--I am a feminist. I believe that women are of great value, ought to be protected. The war on women is real. Just different than what they would like you to believe.  


http://www.azpolicy.org/newsroom/life-coalition-calls-for-immediate-investigation-of-planned-parenthood

Tyler Kost

#InvestigateNow Rally

http://www.azcentral.com/story/news/local/pinal/2014/05/08/pinal-deputies-allege-planned-parenthood-report-assault/8837543/

Why Christians Should Physically Train {+ an office workout!}

Have you ever considered the impact of working out on your spiritual life? Do you think fitness is overrated and just for people who are vain or overweight? It's not :) There are tons of spiritual lessons we can learn from picking up some weights or going for run.


1. Because You Learn Investment
Accepting your body doesn't mean not bettering yourself (yes a double negative there). We ARE fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139). But, God expects that we take care of ourselves. Just as the parable of the talents--we are to invest and make better. We should pursue excellence. We take care of our homes, cars, and other possessions, not because we hate them, but we want to be good stewards. We each have a unique body-- all different shapes, colors and heights--know that your body is wonderfully made and invest in it.

2. Because You Learn Sanctification
We all know, we live in a "microwave" culture. Immediate results from some wrap, some 7 day cleanse, some skin treatment-- we want results NOW. But, when we have to put in literal sweat it gets a lot less attractive. Especially if we have to sweat for more than a month. But, the process is what we need!!! We need to learn to persevere through the moments when we want to give up and feel like we can't go another 10 minutes or set. Results will come--but the process is where learning happens. It's sanctification. At the moment of salvation God does not glorify us--we are to struggle. That's where the character happens. That's where the real results will happen.

3. Because You Learn Focus
We are constantly bombarded by so many ideas and images every day. To do lists, commercials, friends, text messages, twitter.... An hour (4% of your day!) can be a great time to zone in and focus on personal goals and not just physically. I find the time beneficial to listen to music, consider the state of my spiritual life, look at areas of improvement, reflect, and even listen to a sermon {I love Eric Ludy because his preaching is pretty gutsy and hardcore--he preaches often about fighting sin and discipline--perfect for a workout!}

**What are some reasons you workout and how does it relate to your spiritual walk?**

P.S. Let me know if you check Eric Ludy's sermons out!



_________________________________
*Office Workout!

So, three days a week I work in an office from 8:30-5. Sitting and staring at a computer screen tenses my neck and back and I get super drowsy. I've seen office day workouts before but they usually involve taking a 30 minute walk or something of the sort that 1) I live in Arizona and 2) I'm not sure most people's bosses would be fond of their employees just heading out for a walk twice a day.

So here is a mini bathroom break workout! It gives me a burst of energy and takes about....1 minute.

10 wide wall pushups  (attempt to push the wall over! :)
10 regular wall pushups
10 narrow wall pushups

10 squats
10 lunges each leg

TADA! A little increased heart rate, no sweat, and energy. <3

What If I Told You That I'm a Feminist....

Cuz I am.


I will be one of the first to raise my hand and say that there is a terrible war on women. It may not be as much of an outwardly cruel war as in some countries--but our culture has been slowly gripping its hands upon our necks, choking the life out of us. It's always a slow death--just like the frog in the hot water--slowly creeping up the temperature until it is boiled alive without even knowing it.

I came across this article at my internship today, it's a review from Planned Parenthood Advocates of Arizona of the movie Obvious Child, a comedy about abortion.

Here's the link to read the entire conversation: http://advocatesaz.org/2014/06/27/movie-night-a-conversation-about-obvious-child/


Here's a snippet from the article:

"...However, while I think many people are uncomfortable with women doing “gross-out” comedies, I’m also interested in portrayals of women as fully embodied human beings. It flies in the face of this very old-fashioned conception of women as pure and innocent, and men as brutes. It’s almost an expression of manliness to belch, to sweat profusely — whereas women must conceal these bodily functions at all costs.

Matt: It’s refreshing, too, that Max was so comfortable with Donna’s indiscretion in that regard. He went along with it when she joked about wearing diapers, and the subject of farts was definitely not off limits to them. A lot of this movie is about Donna’s freedom over her own body — not just her decision to have an abortion, but also her openness about her bodily functions, no matter what gender expectations that defies.

Anna: Yeah, it was refreshing to see Donna talk so frankly about the female body and bodily functions — pubic hair, menstruation, flatulence, diarrhea, vaginal secretions, and everything in between. Acknowledging that women have bodily functions, and therefore bodies, is the first step to recognizing that they are entitled to autonomy over their bodies. I’m not normally a fan of gross-out comedies, but I like that a film like this one subverts the idea that women don’t have normal human bodies with full functionality — it portrays them in all their supposedly “gross” glory."

I'm a bit disappointed that these are the traits that modern feminists are desiring. I don't want to be a brute. I don't appreciate when men act like cavemen--how about instead of lowering the standard for women, we raise the standard for all? (and no- I am NOT a man hater and I don't know many men who act this way!) Freedom doesn't mean irresponsible or negligent. Freedom actually does equal responsibility.  The reason children do not have the freedoms that adults do is because they have not developed the mental capacity to make informed judgments. Once a teenager proves his or herself responsible by making rightful decisions he or she is given more freedom and thus, more responsibility.I am fully aware of my body--but I do not have to flaunt its "gross" glory. We expect children to behave in this manner--not adults. I appreciate insightful, encouraging, and provoking conversation--not crude and crass language. It seems that the war on women is actually perpetuated by--women..

There's also the thing that men who have one night stands or friends with benefits are players while girls who participate in such are well, not nice terms. So, we need to change that. It has been changing--casual sex is now the norm. Sex is just a bodily function that can be exchanged between two people--no strings attached. Buuuutttt, it seems to not be working out that way. We as women do not want to be sexualized--but if we are constantly wanting this sexual freedom and casual sex is expected--why would we expect to NOT be sexualized?

The "freedom" we desire is not by living a free for all without bounds and restrictions. Without rules we are unable to communicate-- there would be no language or grammar or structure. Without rules we are unable to live safely-- there would be no traffic guidelines, no FDA requirements (which is debatable...) no order. Without rules we are unable to make a living--no enforcement of being paid, no reason to show up to your job, and therefore--nobody works. Without rules we wouldn't exist--because EVERYTHING follows a pattern and rules--why would the function of society be different?

So maybe you want to expose all of your body in its "gross glory"--fine. But, real freedom is the ability to have restraint and self control. Real freedom is learning, growing, and realizing that your ideas and actions have consequences. 

So yes, I am a feminist. A different kind of feminist. I strongly believe that man and woman are both vital, not just for biological reasons but for the world to function. I believe we have different roles and are wired distinctly differently (hello testosterone & estrogen). I am sick of the war on women that is attempting to remove my womanhood, my femininity, and devalue my sexuality. I say we as ladies step up and stop this nonsense by valuing and demanding respect for our womanhood.

A Strange 5 Minutes of Quietness

I'm sitting here in our family dining room attempting homework but my mind is a flurry of ideas. Very rarely is our home quiet. Often I hear a news anchor, drum solos from downstairs, the rustling of the material of people's clothing as they move, or the pitter patter of my dogs' paws on the tile.

But right now, all I hear is the air conditioner, the tick-tock of my father's clock from Germany, and the keys on my laptop being pressed as my nails, that are slightly too long for my taste, are clattering against them.

Ah, there's some movement. I heard a laugh and heard my mom's footsteps and the hangers in the laundry room being tangled. And here it is again.

My grandmother's caregiver just left which caused Rocky, my golden wavy haired little dog to bark and howl to be let out of the bedroom after he heard the click and creak of the door.

 But there is silence, again. The tick-tock. The remembrance that these moments, once passed, will never again be recovered.

And then I breathe. I breathe in slowly and deeply knowing that my life is ever changing and how beautiful each moment is.

The dogs just got let out of the room-- the pitter patter of their paws, the panting of running around the house to see if they missed anything of importance.

Our lives are beautiful. Even in the routine, even in the monotony.  Even in the chaos and uncertainty--our lives are being molded and shaped by our Sovereign God.

The people who frustrate us, the noises that annoy us, the questions that pester us--don't let it.

 Learn from the moments, see the beauty, find the irony, and laugh.

Epiphany of the Day

Epiphanies.

I am such a fox personality. I think, and think, and think, and can't sleep and then BOOM.

Epiphany.

The past week I have tossed and turned, been distracted, frustrated, excited, and my mind has been running nonstop. From finally deciding to pursue personal training to finding the facts on Common Core to figuring out where Dave and I will live in December to the Hobby Lobby case ruckus that I spent about 4 hours today reading articles about--my mind has been all over the place. Today, I felt like I was having a panic attack at my internship. I took my lunch to my car to clear my head. I was able to call Dave and discuss my thoughts with him--my concerns, anxieties, and how I felt like I had to have it all figured out right now.

On the way home from work, I was listening to the radio, the host gave a testimony from a devotional Streams in the Desert which I am currently reading. He was struggling with a similar thing--thoughts and ideas in your head that don't stop.

The verse used was Psalm 46:10, one of my favorites that I seemed to have forgotten:

Be still and know that I am God.

And when my spirit tells me all the unknowns and tasks ahead--He says, Be still. KNOW that I AM GOD.

I want to change the world and my entire life that to me has meant I must do everything--everything is my calling. But it's not!!

I know. I'm a tad bit slow :) I've been that "YES" girl because I hate to lose an opportunity to grow.

Remember the parable of the servants? They each were given a few to invest. He did not give all of the tokens to one servant.

Christ has given us each a sphere of influence. Often we have a few that overlap--but we can't do it all. But if we all live in our sphere of influence intentionally then we CAN change the world.

Live the passion God has given you--watch it evolve, see the people you meet, invest in those few.

Dear Beautiful Girl

Dear Beautiful Girl,

You look so confident baring your sun-kissed skin for all to admire. On every photo you post, you are made the subject of admiration and critique from lustful boys and jealous girls. The way you pose yourself gives brazen attention to your curves but yet there's just enough of an innocent look to be coy. 

You've been told you're beautiful--but is beauty happiness?

Beautiful girl, sit down for a moment. Please, listen for a while. 

I know you're tired. I know you feel alone. You're tired of proving your worth over and over and dancing and performing for people you don't even know. The popularity and applause you receive, is it worth it for beauty that is only skin deep?

Your eyes, they just look empty. You seem so strong, but I wonder if it is so. I can't help but think that you've let your dreams of a real man fade away. That breaks my heart. It doesn't have to be so. Your beauty is not in the external that will one day wrinkle and your perfect hair that will one day gray. Your worth so much more than the glory of your twenty year old body and the parties and clubs. 

I know. You long to have your soul loved.  I do too. It's that gnawing feeling that something just isn't quite right when we are faced with those moments of silence. I see you try to crowd your time with noise and people and media and anything but that feeling of loneliness. Because something, something just isn't right. 

You were made for so much more. There is a lover of your soul. A Lover that will heal your heart and keep it from leaking the affection and love you desire. He's been drawing you to Himself over the years, subtly whispering that only He can satisfy your weary heart. 

Dear Beautiful Girl, this Lover came to save you from the enslavement of this world and yourself. He came to die to set you free. You don't have to live for this world anymore. You can have peace. You can know the Lover of your soul, Jesus Christ. You can know the peace that passes all understanding. You can know God, the One who created you and the one who died for you. The One who will fill your heart with song and joy even in uncertainty. 

Beautiful Girl, please linger for a moment more. What Christ gives cannot be replicated. He quenches the thirst for acceptance and healing. He can only fill that ache in your heart. Come as you are. He knows all about you--the hurts, the mistakes, the joys, and the victories. He wants to exchange all of that for a life that thrives--a life that is about knowing Him and sharing Him. 

Matthew 11: 28 "Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."

Why You Should: NOT be Scared of Psychology (and Psychiatry)

What comes to mind when you hear the word, psychology? When I tell people I study psychology they usually ask if I can read their minds or if I am psychoanalyzing them. Often it seems that many Christians are scared of psychology.  I think the fear is because there is a lack of understanding of what defines psychology.

Psychology is derived from Greek meaning the study of the soul, mind, or breath.

The study of the soul and mind. That seems like something we as Christians should be interested in, right? We know that we must take our thoughts captive, renew our minds, and use discernment.

But somewhere along the way the study of the soul got hijacked.

There's debate amongst science nerds of whether or not psychology is really a science. Psychology didn't used to be too scientific; however, the newer study has shifted and grown just like the other sciences (Think early astronomy: the earth is flat and the center of the Universe-- quite a change, yes?!)

Usually people think of Sigmund Freud: the father of psychoanalysis and some pretty bizarre theories. He wrote a plethora of books trying to define his theories. That is NOT science. Sigmund Freud had many theories with little evidence. Case Studies do not mean science. Today, psychology is moving away from Sigmund Freud and his madness.

Science is precise, concise, and clear. Science seeks to remove variability because variability disguises the root of the problem.

In order to remove variability lab research is done. Psychology is not just hocus pocus and thinking happier thoughts about yourself. True psychology means studying the brain & mind: regions of the brain, neurotransmitters, cognition, memory, perception, social influences, motivation, and yes, abnormalities.

What about psychiatry?

Psychiatry is more hardware (physical brain) based. What happens when your body is deficient of iron or Vitamin C? Problems occur. When our brain is not transmitting enough serotonin, dopamine, and GABA problems also occur such as Alzheimer's and Bipolar.

Psychology is moving forward, away from Freud and Jung and onto actual science that involves experiments and research: neurophysiology, social psychology, and cognition. All of these are completely compatible with the Bible but just like anything can be misguided. With this, I ask my brothers and sisters to guide psychology and psychiatry. There is much headway being made that can affect our culture today.

An example: despite the promotion of self-esteem, research has shown that promoting intrinsic self-esteem with no strings attached is actually no good. Before research was actually done they saw a correlation between those who were high achievers and those who had high self-esteem. So, they figured that high self-esteem must make children high achievers.

Correlation does not equate causation.

No, those who have high self-esteem do not have high self-esteem for simply existing (this is called narcism...) high self-esteem and confidence stem from achievement!

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-fallible-mind/201201/the-key-self-esteem-accomplishment

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/smores-and-more/201112/the-gift-failure

Unfortunately, there is a delay between the research and the application. So, I encourage you, don't be scared of psychology! Read the facts and research and see how it could change the world around us. All truth is God's truth and can be used to glorify Him and help those around us. Plus, we can always point out that the principle came from God first ;)

A Summer through the Bible: Genesis

Yep. I'm reading through the Bible this summer. I think I have about...90 days. I don't have a plan. Except to read.

A LOT.

I figure if I read through the big books in about a week (30+ chapters) and smaller books in a few days, we can do it! :) The minor prophets and epistles can probably be tackled a few a day!

I finished Genesis a few weeks ago. I wasn't too super ecstatic to read through Genesis and read the Creation account...again.

But being able to read through huge chunks at a time showed the, um, "epicness."

There were a few points that struck me differently than normal.

1. Genesis 3:20-24 "God's Grace & Mercy"
  ~~~"Then the man--Adam--named his wife Eve, because she would be the mother of all who live. And the LORD God made clothing from animal skins for Adam and his wife. Then the LORD God siad, "Look, the human beings have become like us, knowing both good and evil. What if they reach out, take the fruit from the tree of life, and eat it? Then they will live forever!" So the LORD God banished them from the Garden of Eden, and he sent Adam out to cultivate the ground from which he had been made. After sending them out, the LORD God stationed mighty cherubim to the east of the Garden of Eden. And he placed a flaming sword that flashed back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life."~~~
       Despite Adam & Eve breaking the one and only rule God had set, He showed them mercy.
He could have thrown His hands up and said, "You had ONE job." He could have just left them and start all over. That's usually how we try to function. Something goes awry and we give up or plow through with a certain flair of animosity. But God demonstrated His patience, mercy, and grace. Yes, He confronted them, exposed their rebelliousness, and showed them the consequences of their actions but He didn't just leave them with that.

He left them with HOPE.

I could imagine God in that moment, like a loving parent cleaning up the mess his children had made, sacrificing the animal and creating clothing to cover his children. But, unlike a parent, He knew the plan already and foreshadowed the plan of Christ's redemption once and for all in that moment. He showed His grace.

Adam & Eve didn't fully understand the repercussions of their decision to eat the fruit. They weren't given the fine print. Yes, they now saw good and evil--but so much more came upon them. God showed mercy in casting them out of the garden, away from the tree of life. The punishment was actually merciful for to live forever would only mean a forever of pain.

2. Abram's Life "God's Timing"and  "Idols"

I've heard Abraham's story since I was a tike in Sunday School. But I absolutely LOVE his story. The faith is incredible.

Genesis is giving a bunch of genealogies and all of a sudden, there is Abram being called to leave everything he knew and to go somewhere that he didn't even know yet. Then, he left.  Then he lies about his wife (twice, actually). He goes to save his nephew. He is promised a son in his old age. He decides to take that into his own hands (well, his wife tells him to do so). 14 years later he FINALLY has his promised son through Sarai and then....he's told to sacrifice him. BUT, God intervenes at the moment he's about to kill Isaac. And again, he saves Lot.

He definitely had ups and downs in his walk of faith.

But, this time what stuck out to me was the 14 years between the birth of Ishmael and Isaac. That's a long time to wait for a promise to be put into effect. I know for me it is easy to start out in faith, to be all gung-ho about the next step in life and then *gulp* the details come in. But God has a different time table and His Will WILL be done in His time.

I will always be amazed by Abraham's faith when he was told to sacrifice his son. I constantly have to surrender and be willing to sacrifice things in my own life. Idolatry of the heart is something I'm prone to--especially if it is given by God. I decide I need to control it. But, God is greater than my control and able to remove from my grip anything He desires. Often when we seek to lay down our "good" idols (things and relationships that aren't wrong, but have simply been given too much attention) He gives them back and we have much more freedom knowing that HE is the ultimate Sovereign.

3. Joseph's Life "Purity & Prosperity"

Joseph has always been my favorite Bible character. I would watch Joseph: King of Dreams, over and over when I was little.  What amazed me was that despite his terrible circumstances (being sold into slavery and then thrown in prison) he was still a man of God. I mean... how?

Living by faith doesn't seem as hard when we read biographies because we know the outcome. But, what about when we are given life-changing news that isn't exactly in our favor?

Joseph worked hard and worked his way up to be in charge of EVERYTHING in Egypt. God caused him to prosper and used him to save the descendants of Jacob and Egypt. He recognized that God was his shepherd his entire life.

There's so much more to gain from reading through Genesis and taking bigger portions of it at a time. But these were just a few pieces that I wanted to share! :)

A Full Heart.

John 17:3, "And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent."

Today was...incredible. I woke up feeling quite fragile. Unhappy. Distressed. Concerned for my soul because I knew my joy was not in Christ and I was busily trying to fill achy heart with self. I amaze myself sometimes. I know the truth--but I decide it's all too much work and instead I will think about myself. It's easy to get used to doing the right things and you begin to think--oh, I got this!! But oh no, we cannot serve others fully if we are not feeding our own souls. We cannot love others if we are not in prayer for our own souls and on behalf of theirs. Christ must be our all in all. Not our feelings (or 'dem feels doe!!' as Dave would call them when he's calling me out on this...of which he repeated approx. 126 times today). 

The easiest solution is most likely NOT the best solution. Our human nature is to short cut--(hey, if I focus on myself that'll make me happy right?)--no. The hard thing is to focus on God's glory--(because why would thinking of how awesome God is make me feel better about myself...?) It most likely will not make you feel better about yourself. But it WILL give you a proper view of yourself, God, and this world. 

When this passing world is done,
When has sunk yon glaring sun,
When we stand with Christ in glory,
Looking o’er life’s finished story,
Then, Lord, shall I fully know—
Not till then—how much I owe.

When I hear the wicked call,
On the rocks and hills to fall,
When I see them start and shrink
On the fiery deluge brink,
Then, Lord, shall I fully know—
Not till then—how much I owe.

When I stand before the throne,
Dressed in beauty not my own,
When I see Thee as Thou art,
Love Thee with unsinning heart,
Then Lord, shall I fully know—
Not till then—how much I owe.

When the praise of Heav’n I hear,
Loud as thunders to the ear,
Loud as many waters’ noise,
Sweet as harp’s melodious voice,
Then, Lord, shall I fully know—
Not till then—how much I owe.

Chosen not for good in me,

Wakened up from wrath to flee,
Hidden in the Savior’s side,
By the Spirit sanctified,
Teach me, Lord, on earth to show,
By my love, how much I owe.

Love this song from church Sunday :)

Have a good week my friends! 

-Lydia

What Turns Me Off to Calvinism

I've been thinking through the Calvinism and Arminianism debate for a few years. In my high school years I had always considered myself to lie somewhere in between, leaning toward Calvinism. But honestly, figuring all the ins and outs of how salvation works didn't bother me too much.

My faith was terrible at that point.

JK.

 My relationship with God was so focused. I entrusted my life to Him and recognized that He was faithful, sovereign, and good. My purpose in life was to know Him more. I believed the Bible and that was that.

Then I began to look into Calvinism and Arminianism more. The classic, age-old debate which is a common topic at lunch with the scholarly Christian kids. I began paying more attention and understanding Calvinism more. Would I consider myself a Calvinism now? Ya, I guess. At least a 4.5 ;)

But I really don't care all that much. Quite frankly, I'm really annoyed with the whole thing.

Why?

**Disclaimer: I will admit that I am a prideful person. {This whole post is probably somewhat prideful...but I just wanted to share my thoughts and see other opinions} Secondly, I am not claiming that this is every "Calvinist."

However, I see many people in Calvinism who seem to enjoy making fun of other brothers and sisters who believe in faith alone Salvation, but may differ slightly on other more minor areas of doctrine. From my understanding of Scripture, holding to dispensationalism or covenantal theology does not save you. Nor does even having a complete understanding of the workings of soteriology. Let's consider the thief on the cross--I don't think Jesus explained that He was predestined before time and that it wasn't really HIM choosing, it just seemed like it because of God's irresistible grace that drew him. I'm sure the thief was decently aware of some of that. He was aware that he was drawn to Christ. But the thief just proclaimed-
"Do you not even fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation?" "And we indeed are suffering justly, for we are receiving what we deserve for our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong." And he was saying, "Jesus, remember me when You come in Your kingdom!" And He said to him, "Truly I say to you, today you shall be with Me in Paradise."

The thief demonstrated repentance, acknowledgement of Christ as LORD, and trust in Him to save Him.

Is that not enough?

Am I saying that doctrine shouldn't be studied? By no means!  Doctrine is necessary to faith.Doctrine is vital. The Bible is good for doctrine-- it helps us know what we believe, why we believe, gives some standardization so we are not constantly returning to figure out what we believe at every generation. Plus, I enjoy a good heated theological debate. But when it turns into making fun of the other or proclaiming and implying that they don't read the Bible that's way over the line. Doctrine should be studied for the glory of God and to KNOW God more.

I know the claim of Calvinism is that it is all to the glory of God instead of ourselves--but the whole time many seem to be glorying in their own reasoning, intellect, and critical thinking skills.

I don't believe Calvinism needs to be stamped on everything. The word "calvinism" doesn't show up at all in the Bible ;) Okay, I'm being facetious. But really, if you preach God's Word, listen to God's Word, and study God's Word you will grow. Faith comes by hearing. God's Word will NOT return void. Of course, your flavor of doctrinal system will show up in your preaching probably. I see the reasons behind having a framework to work with--but let's remember Deuteronomy 29:29, ya?

Just my thoughts, I think I had more but it's late.

Understand, I am in no way against "Calvinism" but I refuse to equate a man made system to the Gospel. Does it help with our understanding? Sure. Is it inspired? NO.

So with that, let's cool our hipster, hardcore "I'm Reformed" memes down and just preach the Gospel. Focus on knowing God--removing anything that hinders that pursuit, serving Him--with our entire lives, and serving others--demonstrating His love to our brothers, sisters, and those who don't know the Truth yet.

Lydia

Psalm 119: Aleph

The past few days I have been considering what God has been teaching me through my time in college. The other day I was listening to a sermon by John Piper and thinking, wow, God sure has been teaching me the complexities of Salvation and grace, and so much more. I had a much more childlike faith in high school--but also I believe my relationship with God was much deeper and more intimate then. Last night I cried over that. I have been trying to remember what I did that made me closer to God at that point. I would read my Bible randomly throughout the day. My time on the internet was spent much on articles and blogs that revolved around Christ and knowing Him more. I would read them and would soon be compelled to go to my room and pray or ready my Bible. I would love sitting in chapel or any opportunity to grow. I would be so locked in on the speaker that I could almost repeat back what he said. Singing in the car and in the hall was normal. My relationship with God wasn't a chore, it was a natural spring of what I put in my mind and with what I surrounded myself. I want joy again. I want that relationship with my God again.

Yesterday I began reading Psalm 119 again.

Joyful are people of integrity, who follow the instructions of the Lord
Joyful are those who obey his laws and search for them with all their hearts.
They do not compromise with evil, and they walk only in his paths.
You have charge us to keep your commandments carefully.
Oh, that my actions would consistently reflect your decrees!
Then I will not be ashamed when I compare my life with your commands.
As I learn your righteous regulations, I will thank you by living as I should!
I will obey your decrees,
Please don't give up on me!

Where does joy come from?
           Integrity
           Following the Lord's instructions
           Obeying God's Laws
           SEARCHING FOR THE LORD WITH ALL THEIR HEARTS
           Not compromising evil at all (no, "just a little")
           Walking ONLY in his paths
           Reflecting God's law consistently
         
Lord, don't give up on me! Help me to follow you. Help me to search for you and to purge out my life of things that aren't of you. Lord, break down my idols. Keep my eyes and heart fixed on you. Change me. I can't do this on my own. Please start your work in me and sustain the change. You promise to help me in weakness. Teach me that You are all I need and You alone can satisfy.

A Season of Preparation.

I'M ENGAGED!

It happened last week. On a dreary Wednesday, the first day of classes for the spring semester.

The feeling wasn't at all like what you see in the movies. When he asked me, I just felt normal. I felt peaceful. It was a "duh" decision.

Surreal? Oh yes.

Now comes all the wedding planning for the day that I will become his wife. The day that we will make a covenant before our God. The day that David and I will begin displaying the Gospel together.
We want our wedding to be centered on Christ and what He has done for us. I pray that it will bring God glory.

But most of all, I want to spend this year not sending out beautifully scripted invitations and setting a registry, but becoming a woman.

I want to be a woman that blesses her husband. One that graciously submits, prays, encourages, trusts, and most of all is satisfied with Christ.

Right now my fiancé, wedding plans, a career, money, so easily become my gods. (I'm currently trying to figure out if I SHOULD be figuring out anything right now... those wedding timeline things...!) But, with that said, they can't satisfy me.

I must realize now that my husband will never fully satisfy my soul. Neither will a picture perfect wedding, a successful career, or a life where all my needs and many wants are met.


Lydia, remember Hollywood. Even with their infinite amount of wealth, popularity, fame, and perfect bodies so many of those marriages split.

Lydia, remember that marriage is not about you. It is about Christ. Marriage is about serving and respecting your husband. Yes, marriage will be fun!!!!! But there will be days when it feels more like work or days when you wonder where all the time has gone and what has happened to my face.

Right now is a season of preparation.
Prepare more for the life than the day.
Prepare your soul and spirit for oneness with another sinner.

Help me, Lord.

Picking Words for 2014

Happy New Year!!!!!!!! Day one is almost complete :) When I was younger I would spend much of the night laboring over my resolutions list. I would have resolutions for my spiritual life, health, friends, mind, money, music....I had a lot.  But this year I came across an idea of choosing a few words, instead of having twelve uber specific (sub-points and all) resolutions that I could barely remember.

Think of these words as almost your "mantra" as some people would say. But a few single words that encompasses a larger thought. 

For example, here are my three words: 

Fit. Relationship. Courage.

I said fit-- not workout 6 days a week or cut out all chocolate from my diet because eventually I KNOW I would fail this. Instead, I'm choosing a word fit. It will help me with each decision--do I choose to work out today? Is that best for my body, mind, and spirit? Or should I rest? Also, fit goes beyond the body! Think about spiritual, emotional, mental, and even financial fitness!

Relationship. Not pray 30 minutes a day or read a chapter a day. Not call a different person everyday or go out of my way to talk to someone different at every lunch. But instead to think--will this be beneficial to my relationship with God, my family and close friends, or making new friends/networking? With this word in mind I'll be able to come into lunch and think--how should I build relationships right now? Or, how can I know God more today?

Courage. I wouldn't consider myself an incredibly shy person, but in a crowd I don't know very well I easily get overwhelmed and it can take me awhile to open up. Often times it's because I'm too nervous about what the other person is thinking. I want courage to go talk to that person that I haven't met yet. Or go try that new thing that I could completely embarrass myself on attempting. When fear comes into my mind, I'll remember the word courage. Courage to stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves, courage to do right, to try new things, and to put others before myself and risking my pride.

What will your words be?